How to Stop Seeking Approval and Start Trusting Yourself (Because You’re the Main Character, Not an Extra)

Let’s be honest: most of us have spent too much time waiting for some cosmic gold star from other people. Whether it’s refreshing your phone to see if someone “liked” your witty comment, overanalyzing a text before sending it, or mentally rehearsing an Oscar-worthy speech to order your coffee (“Um, hi, could I please have a vanilla latte if that’s okay with you, but if not, that’s fine, never mind”), we’ve all been there.

But here’s the thing: living for approval is exhausting. It’s like being in a never-ending audition for a part in a movie that doesn’t exist. And guess what? You’re already the main character of your own story. So why are you letting the extras decide if you get the role? Here’s how to trust yourself. 

Step 1: Accept That You’ll Never Please Everyone (And That’s a Good Thing)

Have you ever met anyone who is universally adored? Even puppies have haters. No matter what you do, someone somewhere will think you’re doing it wrong. You could do what makes you happy instead of constantly rewriting yourself to meet someone else’s expectations.

Step 2: Stop Crowdsourcing Your Life Choices

Imagine if Taylor Swift needed to check with a group chat before every decision. “Guys, should I drop this surprise album? Or is that too much? Let me know!!” No. She does it and says she does not care what other people think. Whether you like her or not, now she has all the money and fame. You don’t need a board of directors to sign off on your life. Next time you catch yourself fishing for approval, pause and ask: Do I want this, or am I just looking for validation? Put the phone down and back away slowly if it’s the latter.

Step 3: Trust That You Know What You’re Doing

You’ve made it this far, haven’t you? You’ve successfully kept yourself alive, navigated social situations, and probably made solid life choices. Even when you didn’t, you learned from them. So, give yourself some credit. Your gut instinct is more reliable than you think—unless it’s telling you to text your ex. Then, ignore it completely.

Step 4: Practice the Art of Not Caring (Strategically)

I’m not saying to go complete hermit in the woods and stop caring about everyone’s opinions entirely (social norms exist for a reason, so please continue wearing deodorant). But practice selective caring. Ask yourself: Does this opinion impact my happiness, growth, or well-being? If not, chuck it in the mental trash bin.

Step 5: Be Okay with Being a Little Cringe

You know who doesn’t care if they look ridiculous? Kids. Without a second thought, they will belt out “Let It Go” at full volume in a grocery store. And while I’m not saying you should reenact Frozen in aisle five, there’s something freeing about embracing your quirks. Dance badly, laugh too loud, and post that weird but hilarious thought on social media—life is too short to be overly curated.

Final Thought: You’re the Author of Your Own Story

Your life is yours—not your coworkers’, not your parents’, not that random stranger on the internet who thinks your haircut is “bold.” You are the only person who must live with your choices, so make them based on what feels right, not what gets the most approval.

So, trust yourself, and remember: Taylor Swift doesn’t check the group chat, nor should you.